Atlanta, January 28 – In a press conference last Tuesday, Coca-Cola announced its plan to implement an ad campaign that would target publicly funded schools, most notably in the area of textbook space. According to their spokesperson, Marsha Street, “We are breaking new ground with this one. We’ve got to get to them young, while their minds are still open and long before they’ve taken the Pepsi Challenge.”
If the school system goes for it, this could mean less space for real words and more space for real big ads.
Merchuria Chase Williams, president of the Georgia Association of Educators, laments the loss of the students’ increased learning potential, but offsets it with the popular idea that “Everything can be bought for the right price, even your child’s future.”
In the past, the public school’s curriculum has been one of the only places for younger students to look away from an already overrun public ad space, but that is all about to change.
“We feel like we aren’t making our presence abundant enough. An overflow into the school system will help us to regain an important part of our target demographic,” says Street. With the popularity of juice and flavored water on the upswing, this may be just what Coke needs to get itself back into the game.
The campaign is set to begin its six-month trial next semester and if all goes well, we—and our kids—could see this as the next big thing to hit the advertising world in years. Arthur Blank, co-founder of Home Depot, has said that, “If Coca-Cola can do it, why the hell can’t we? Kids need to learn that if they’re going to grow up to fulfill their familial roles, home improvement is a necessity.”
Scholars are already condemning the practice of advertising in textbooks and, according to a spokesperson from The Honors Society, “Don’t be too surprised if kids start smoking, drinking, or pre-maritally sexing at an earlier age. We don’t need this trash in our public schools; we need to keep our children’s minds pure and innocent.” The PTA has declined to comment on the matter.
4 Comments
Mmmmm…….. coca-cola.
I really, really enjoy the way “smoking, drinking, or pre-maritally sexing” sounds when spoken aloud. It might actually be a good thing to put Trojan ads in text books. You know; just saying.
Well done, Dettman. Write more of these.
Not only is this an awesome piece of writing, but I’m extremely impressed with the picture you were able to procure to go along with it.
And, I have to add that our public school textbooks and curriculum are already one big ad campaign for big government and socialism. But that’s another story for another day…
I agree, That was awsome……..
Sorry….. Awesome
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